A Room With a View

So, I've been back for a week. I still feel as much as ever that it is just the place for me. I am starting to sort out a work visa and a job or two. I am reconnecting with my wonderful ward and loved ones here in London. Things feel different, though. Many of my friends are no longer here. I feel in so many ways that I am starting afresh.
I was in Utah last month for my dearest friend Katie's wedding. It brought me more joy than I can express. It also brought some mourning. Katie was my closest friend, and now she has someone who, of course, she is closer to. I recognize that I need to not rely on her as much as I did before. Throughout my school year here in London we would talk once a week or once every other week--to catch up and to sort out our lives together and to support one another. We won't be doing that as much anymore and I have been feeling the lack.
While I was in the States my good friend Rachelle moved just across the railroad tracks from me. I have been spending more time with her and it is becoming increasingly clear to me that she is here in my life right now to be that support that I felt lacking. We are of the same age, similar in strivings, ambition, desires and faith. She has a heart of gold and is a faithful friend. I feel my heart opening more and more to her.
And although I feel happy being here, I have feared loneliness. So the other morning I decided to sit down and eat breakfast at the table in front of the bay window. I looked out the window. This is the view from my window:



It is sky, train track, and trees, with a building or two hiding behind the trees. What amazed me was that the trees met up in the middle, creating a small hole through which could be seen one window in an apartment building across the way. I stared in disbelief. That one window, truly the only one I can see, is Rachelle's. Yes, you needn't wonder--it is a sign. A sign that Heavenly Father loves me, is aware of me and won't leave me feeling alone. For goodness sake, he put the only friend I have in the neighborhood in the only window I could see from my flat! Thanks Heavenly Father, and thanks Rachelle for being that friend!

This is my life! I live here!!

I slept from about 12:30 am to 11:30 am--and then napped until 3:30. I finally got up, showered and walked to the bank before they closed. As I walked in the crisp sunshiney air, I found my joy increasing with each step. I live here! Indefinitely! This is my neighborhood! This is my street! This is my life!
I just returned last night from a trip to Utah and Arizona to visit family and friends. I felt great joy while there. Until 2 months ago I was planning to move to Utah. While in Utah, although I had a wonderful time, I felt such relief that I wouldn't be moving there. I felt that somehow I didn't belong. Today, whilst walking down the street, I also felt relief. Relief that I had decided to stay. Utter joy that this is the place I call home! Delight that I am here to build my life! Excitement that this is where I chose to be! My heart was overflowingly happy.
And so--here we go! The details of my future may not be crystal clear, but the facts are these: expect excitement, success, joy and love to come crashing into my life. I do!

I lied.

I'm staying.

Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

When I was in the grocery store yesterday and realized that despite the good price, I didn't need to buy 4 rolls of kitchen towels, tears threatened arrival. What an utterly everyday experience to trigger the realization of my upcoming life change!
And so my year in England draws to a close. I know I said I'd write often (um, every week? Uh, yeah, well...) but I guess you could say that I have been too busy living. This has been one of the best years of my life. Oh! The things I've learned! I've learned what it means to truly serve, I've learned what it means to magnify and succeed at a calling rather than just serving in it to fulfil a checklist. I've learned and am learning what it means to study, to submerse oneself in discovery and depth of thought, to struggle with intellectual ideas and come out the other side with clarity, understanding and even more than that, questions. I've learned that it is ok to have questions—questions that perhaps can't be answered in the forseeable future!
I've made friends more quickly and deeply than I can ever remember doing in the past, friends from entirely different backgrounds and beliefs, ages and views. I've started gardening :).
I've learned how to listen to my heart to know and then to receive what I want! I've honed my understandings of my desires by living utterly and beautifully alone, on my own. I've run my own household independent and peaceful.
I've kissed the ward dreamboat (my first kiss ever, if you can believe it), and opened myself up to the intricate workings of my heart in the matters of romance. I've learned to flirt, to speak up and to step back. I've learned to wait.
I've seen how the Lord truly is aware of all of us, how He guides us to the desires of our hearts and how His timing is impeccable and His promises sure.
I've learned what it means to be converted.
In the next month or so I will write up my dissertation. I will travel to Scotland and Ireland. I will see two of my dearest friends join together in eternal matrimony. I will pack up my flat and ship off my books. I will embrace my friends and say goodbye to my ward. I will prepare myself to move on.
I have no idea what awaits me in Utah—I am not sure when I will begin to work or where, I don't know what my social life will be like or how long I will want to stay. But I do know that the things I have learned here will affect how I do things for the rest of my life. I may have come here with a open heart, but I leave with an understanding of how to keep that heart open, no matter what happens in my life. And that, I believe, is the gift that has changed me forever. So, thank you Lord for bringing me here. Thank you heart for wanting to come. And thank you my London friends and loved ones who have nurtured and loved my heart. I love you forever.

This one's for you, Jen

Jen got on my facebook profile a week or so ago and so sweetly requested a new entry that I just have to comply.
Not sure if you're gonna like what Iz gots to say, though...
Because I have given myself entirely over to icanhascheezburger.com
and my brain is mush(-y peas) from studying squares and trying to fit them in round holes.
and it is grey/gray here.
Oh, and cold.
(which recently allowed for the biggest snowstorm in 18 years to hit London, shut down the city and inspire snow scupltures and snowball fights throughout the city :) )
BUT
I have
1. lovely friends.
2. Interesting things to study.
3. Fascinating city to explore.
4. Exciting calling.
5. Mushy brain.
6. Unclear future.

1. I am so loved and supported here!! My lovely Sarah friend has been living here since Nov. and is such a support/grad school therapist. Don't quite know what I would do without her! Judith, my other flatmate is also wonderful and supportive and I have a darling group of friends from my stake and also from the local singles ward which I am NOT in.
2. Anthropology is FASCINATING. I am going to do my dissertation on the transference of culture and conversion from first to second generation Mormons. Interesting...
3. Um, I live in London. Today I tromped about Blackheath, where David Copperfield went to school and thousands of thousands of black plague victims were buried and now boys play rugby on their graves...
4. Enrichment counselor in the stake Relief Society. Yes, I was wondering why I got this calling until yesterday when at a training I realized that the women in this stake had no idea that the whole program had changed three years ago. I moved here from one of those perfect stakes where things are done immediately and well--and so I actually KNOW how to get the activities/groups/clubs portion of enrichment going. So exciting!
5. See: http://books.google.com/books?id=RqYRt4e0ryAC&printsec=frontcover&dq=art+and+agency&lr=#PPA32,M1
and its antidote: http://cuteoverload.com/
'Nuf said.
6. Perhaps I shall move to Tahiti? Or Belize and work on a farm? Who knows?!

Maybe I should do a quiz and let you all decide my future for me....

An American in London

This morning I was afraid to get out of bed. I thought maybe if I stayed in bed I could still dream that somehow McCain could have possibly won. Yes, despite his onery-ness (or perhaps because of it) I was rooting for my neighbor John. So why then, you may ask, when I finally got up and turned on the computer to check, did I find myself so dang excited? So excited in fact that I have been bouncing with love and joy all day long?
Well, first of all, even if I wasn't voting Obama, it doesn't mean that I dislike him. The two candidates appealed to two different parts of me. I think the thing that thrilled me was how squarely and completely he won and how enthusiastically my fellow Americans turned out in droves to vote--mostly for him. I looked at photos of friends and strangers all through out the US waiting with baited breath--and celebrating in the streets. I read about the hope and joy and excitement permeating through everything and I felt it all the way over here, across the pond. I know full well that anything can happen and that politicians are not always able to deliver.
I believe in the power of collective belief (awkward statement, I know) and to have so much of my country actually feeling hope--that is a blessed, blessed thing. Perhaps that is really why I am excited. The power rests with us and we know it. If we can keep aware long enough to remember that than even an inexperienced president can be allowed to do good things. Under Bush people pretend that nothing can be done. I hope that people will remember under Obama that things can.
On my facebook status I wrote: "Corina is in love with her country." I love that the two people who responded were American friends Heather living in Kazakhstan and Britta living in Korea. We are feeling it over here too, we are feeling it everywhere! This amazing awareness that we CAN speak up and we CAN make a difference! A replacement of irony and disillusionment with hope and excitement! I just feel so grateful to be an American, so grateful to be a part of this process. I am proud of my countryfolk for speaking up. And even though I would have liked to be there in New York, celebrating in the streets, I somehow feel that I am doing just that as I go throughout my day today--beaming with native pride. As I've said before, for me it is often being among the other nations of the world that I feel MOST American, as I imagine Heather and Britta would agree. And you better bet your buttons that I am proud of it :).

Week 3 and All is Well

except for the fact that I haven't gotten to talk to my sis yet. Lyndsay where are you? I was going to call her right now but I got distracted by this blog: thefamilyjones.blogspot.com In case you didn't already know, this family is living my dream. What dream is that, you say? To live in Kazakhstan with my young children and fabulous husband. If you wonder why, look at the pics in their blog. Seems pretty wonderful to me. And of course, by wonderful I mean that all of those things that some of you may look at and cringe your noses at; I look at and say Wow! Adventure! Wow! Beauty! Wow! Kazakhstan! So please, if you know any eligible and wonderful men who won't mind moving to KZ with our dumpling children, please send them my way...

In the meantime I am working away at a method that will get me there. It is called Grad School: MA Social Anthropology. And I LOVE IT!! I have decided on the following courses: Anthropology of Art, Anthropology and Representation and Anthropological Theories and Methods. I am auditing Anthro of Gender, Economic and Political Systems as well as Symbolic Systems.

I have the most interesting teachers. Prof. Brian Morris is in his 70's and likes to remind us all that he never went to Uni, that he worked in an iron foundry. He also has a fascinating and clear mind along with bushy white hair and beard which he tugs at and which flies around his face all throughout the lectures. He's the one that keeps me coming to the class because the theories themselves are rubbish. Its a bunch of social and otherwise theorists who tried to figure out why man invents religion. It can be seriously difficult sitting through a lecture about the philosophies of men, knowing what I know about God and about truth and where to find it!

Anthropology of Art is my favorite class. I wasn't going to take it but I stopped by to listen and was hooked. I arrived late and the room was dark, while images of photographs and sculptures flashed across a screen. Ahhh, my artist soul breathed. I had finally found something that soothed my overworked mind. We are learning fascinating things, but we also get to go on field trips to museums and draw and look at pretty pictures (and the handsome professor.) It is nice to take a class that indulges more parts of myself than just the right brain.

Thirdly is Anthropology and Representation. I was APPALLED by this class when I attended the first lecture. It started late, the professor rambled on and on, he appeared unkempt and quite frankly, stoned. His pants weren't zipped, his brain wasn't zipped and the material he was presenting seemed totally opposite of what I was hoping to get from the course.
However, I gave it another chance this week only to find that it may give Anthro of Art a run for its money in terms of which class I enjoy more. The professor is still a little out there, but I think it is because he lives in this theoretical world in his head. We will be talking about systems and symbolics, about words and concepts that create understanding of who we are and the world around us. About culture and society and hierarchies and how such systems and words create representations of human self. Ooh ooh ooh!!!!! So stinking exciting!!!!

On other fronts, I am in love with my ward, in love with my house (stay tuned for the Help Corina Decorate contest coming up soon), in love with London, adore my friends here which sprung up like dandelions and overjoyed that it has been warm and crisp in this lovely city on the Thames!